Riddles: The Architect and The Alchemist

          Isn’t it about time? Why not today? Today of all days is as good as any day to dismantle the past, lay it to rest, and let the architect design a new future. The alchemist is challenged by the lingering bitter chill of winter even though the sun is shining today and bringing forth welcomed warmth. A fever burns deep beneath the skin of both men with tenacity and a desire to obtain a longsuffering liberty. Seeking solace from adversity and addiction seems to be a difficult ambition as harsh lines are drawn and that which is precious is so very distant and seemingly unobtainable. Faith and strength are lacking.

          The inadequacies and occasional infidelities have sculpted an extraordinary personality to learn and teach from. As much as form follows function the blueprint hasn’t always been followed accurately exposing and resulting in structural weaknesses. And even though there are many subtractions and additions the foundation remains the same throughout. But what good is a foundation with nothing substantial built upon it? There is no strength without the whole.

          All day, all night, and all life seeking that which is precious above all things by means of commonality is not an easy chemistry. Taking elements and introducing those elements to form a reaction seems a bit relentless but dreams are intoxicating. The science of things may be unexplainable even though the chemicals are there but where is the faith?

          Isn’t it about time to gain strength and faith to overcome the obstacles so that the design may be constructed into something precious? Why not today? Today of all days is as good as any so take the chance and in the end everything will be successful. No need to worry as all roads lead to somewhere and that somewhere is always the same if and only if you make the choice.

Damn These Dusty Photographs

          We all make mistakes sometimes. Strength comes from knowing that we are willing to accept a consequence that will result from a choice. Sometimes we don’t always realize the seriousness of the consequence until we are faced with another choice. But that’s the beauty of forgiveness. It’s just the process of getting to forgiveness that seems impossible and overwhelming. Forsaking the past is not easy when an addiction has burned a permanent image upon every thought and the chemicals find themselves into every vein. Repentance seems so unbearable at times that you shrink away from the only lifeline when it is placed before you. You find much sadness in your thoughts and words that you just give in only to be at the bottom so that you might discover yourself once again.

          You keep digging through the rubble to reach the light but you grow weary as time passes. All around you is unstable, ready to crumble, and your fear keeps you stationary. You’re just looking for a hand to reach down, grab, and embrace you but you feel abandoned. You throw words to the sky only to find them rebounded cause you can’t seem to let them go. No one said life would be easy but no one said it would be this hard.

Until the End of Forever

          The addiction has become overwhelming and I find myself overcome by a rush of chemicals I cannot control. I am weak and powerless on my own and as the noose tightens its grip I turn all shades of blue. Sweetheart, you are my only angel and you are grace. Save me! Please be my distraction from the unspeakable weight of the world that burdens me. Please believe me when I tell you that I am forever dedicated to you. I am suffering from the long vacancies placed in between the days that we spend apart. It’s during these extended periods of empty arms that the shadows begin to lurk and trouble my soul. The promise of a new day enlightens yet frightens me but you were that fire that burnt through the clouds that cold November day and found me. Please find me again!

          My character is selfish and I plead for your warm forgiveness even if my actions destroy myself. I can no longer beg for your trust as my weakness speaks for itself and I realize my guilt. My selfishness only begs for you to be with me through these trying times until I can erase and replace the past. Please stay with me until the sun goes down on the horizon but would it be too much to ask you to stay until sunrise? Together we can wish upon stardust as our lips touch that I can fight my way through this so that we may hold each other for eternity. Did you know that I love you?

Lacking Consistency

          I am without therapy and somehow I suffer through it all hoping that strength will be my ally but it has yet to defend and rescue me. What heartache and discomfort shall I face if I keep on this path of disharmony? It’s as if the tide has pulled me out far enough away from the shore but close enough to see it but not close enough to reach it. I lack the faith necessary to break free from the anchor that is bound around my ankle and I remain stationary in these waves. At times I feel that I might as well drown as my arms are tired of reaching out and hugging sky. Even though I really do have substance to embrace I lack the daily sustenance to sustain such strength when I suffer from such weakness. Sweetheart, please forgive me!

Yet Another Crossroad

          At the crossroads a new journey begins where another one ends but it seems a bit hazy this evening. Without sufficient words or a shoulder to lean on I am with vacancy. And as much as I would like residency in these tired arms tonight I am seeking solitude and an escape from treachery. I am seeking brilliance that faded forever ago but am distracted by pleasant fiction. I want to love you and I do, but the strong currents of the wind carry me with appealing liberty. Soon, I may need to find myself as I never have before but will the attempt be futile? I can’t seem to save myself from the aching desire to run into that which is encompassing and truly harmonic. What chance have I in finding that small measure of peace we all so desperately search for and some never find? Choice has led me this far, what next? I fear the future as my heart grows weak without hope. I live to forget but am frequently reminded by a long trailing shadow. I want, I need, but I constantly bleed.

Words

Whatever tears are shed, whatever words are said
You are still the one, you are my only love
And as weak as I may be, it’s just you and me
I love you always, here and forever above
Try not to worry, I’m not always strong
And I am sorry if I am sometimes wrong
I love you my darling and always will
One day soon, for sure, we’ll seal the deal
Forever and ever, no more dreaming, real!

© 2008 Cordell J. Larkin

Regrets and Recompense in Providence

          A few brief moments in selective reflection and I find myself restless once again. All of the adventures, travels, and acquaintances have shaped the fabric of time until reaching this very point. What do I have to show for all of it? A lot of unorganized photographs, the memories, and a few tears are all that come to mind. Where do I go from here and what do I do with the precious time that is left?

          Currently, melancholy and ecstasy are violently interwoven into my lifeblood which makes everything around me numb. I’m itching for enlightenment on which puddle to jump into next. Why does it seem so distant and perplexing? I know what I want but the traffic light hasn’t changed and I’m developing an unhealthy impatience. I’ve admitted that I’m committed but I find myself still slipping at times and it has become quite disheartening. Different directions have I taken but still I haven’t arrived at the desired destination. Will I ever get to where I’m going?

          The gauntlet placed before me has been more difficult than anticipated and I seem to be stuck on the wheel. I have come to recognize the truths and where consequences fit into the larger equation. How hard can it be to flick on the ignition, shift into gear, and move forward? Am I really going to let the addictions and weaknesses prohibit me from liberty and true eternal happiness? If we have all been given free will why is it that I feel bound? I do know that the samurai warrior sleeps deep within my heart and is awaiting vengeance and escape from an adversary’s torment.

          Today, the horizon doesn’t seem so very distant anymore and I am grateful for love and forgiveness. Today I am one with myself and the thoughts are not obscured. Underneath it all there is a hint of hope despite the lacking faith. Surety is rare but I believe in providence.

Gone

It takes but only a brief moment to drown in tears of sorrow.
It takes but only a brief moment to let it all slip away.
It takes an eternity to find the happiness of tomorrow.
It takes an eternity to finally wipe all of the tears away.
It takes an eternity to realize that tomorrow has already gone away.

© 2008 Cordell J Larkin

Rambling Words of Calm Candor

          As I wander through and ponder the obstacles and unknowns I am still truly amazed by the surrounding organic architecture that inspires every aspiration. A contemplative chemistry consumes the currents on which every thought commits to. I find myself submissive to a passion that is kindled by an unbearable distant horizon and every cherished moment of embrace is sweet. Sometimes the substance of words doesn’t even make sense to the author who penned them. Sweetheart, despite the psychosis and the puzzle pieces strewn about, my love for you is genuine and I cannot comprehend an eternity without you.

Eternity at 4 a.m.

          Eternity.  That’s a big and serious word. It’s a commitment of love and shared responsibility between a man and woman. It can be a prison of remembrance for all your transgressions. It can be happiness or it can be hell. It’s a constant reminder of choice and the consequences that follow. Why I awoke at 4 a.m. from pleasant dreams to write about this I do not know but I’m doing it anyway. All that I do know is that eternity is a persistent reminder of that which I would someday hope to obtain even though I always stumble along the way.