Habitual Cries for Liberation

Habitual cries for liberation is the root cause of an unrelenting insomnia.  The anxiety eats away the sanity and the heart, mind and spirit deteriorate.  What peace is there left to salvage when despair runs rampant through the atmosphere of every thought?  Fortitude has escaped a hope once held with concrete conviction.  The impossible is asked of you as you stretch beyond your capacity until the inevitable snap occurs.  You are no longer pliable and the whole world seems to be falling down all around you.  Give me freedom or give me death!

Asking Her Father

Today was the day I’ve feared for a while but I survived the moment that now seems like it was surreal.  Larry and Sherry Lowery are entering the LDS Missionary Training Center tomorrow and will be there for ten days before they travel to Silver City, New Mexico to serve an 18 month mission for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints.  They are the parents of my one true love and sweetheart Sara Lowery.  She is the baby girl and second youngest of a family of six other siblings.  Today I asked her father if I could marry her in the temple for time and all eternity.

It’s like a weight has been lifted from me now that I have her father’s blessing.  Although the road has been a rocky one up to this point I know that it will still have its ups and downs but I love Sara and her family.  A path has been placed before her and I and we plan on traveling it together.  Soon, in the very near future, we will be engaged and then our lives will be a little hectic leading up to our special day in the temple.  There is much to be done still in order to prepare for such a day.  I’m excited and happy for our new adventure in life to begin.  More to come . . .

2009: A New Year of Reading

At the beginning of 2008 I chose to read three different series of books by three different authors and from three different fictional genres.  First, I started reading the science fiction series of “Ender’s Game” by Orson Scott Card.  Following that I began to read the western series of “Lonesome Dove” by Larry McMurtry.  Finally, I concluded with the series of Jason Bourne novels by Robert Ludlum.  I had planned on finishing all 11 of these books by year’s end but came up a little short because I chose to read a few other books in between.

As I sit here this evening, I have just finished the series by Orson Scott Card.  I have been contemplating if I should read the concluding book to the “Lonesome Dove” series so that I can complete my goal or read another book before hand.  This is what reading has done to me.  I can’t decide which books to read and when because I have become addicted to reading.  What a sad state I am in right now.  I guess I will decide within the next couple of hours and post my decision on my booklist.

Now that a new year is here I have a new stack of books I would like to read.  Since I have been reading numerous works of fiction I have decided that I need a little more balance and will be reading some books regarding actual historical accounts during World War II and the expansion and exploration of America.  Many books have I read regarding different perspectives and actual memoirs of World War II.  I have two previous roommates to thank for getting me hooked on events during World War II.  The funny, coincidental thing is that both roommates were majoring in history, both were named Jason, and both lived in the same room at different times during my tenure at that apartment.

What can I say?  I am truly a student of learning, creativity, and imagination.  I will not die happy until I am satisfied that I have read all the books that I wish to read and learned all that I could possibly learn.  Carpe diem.

Random Thoughts of Today

There are only a few blank pages left to write upon and tomorrow is one step closer than it was just a moment ago.  There is always enough time and yet there is never enough, we just struggle to locate it.  The complexity of life unravels once more and we find ourselves tangled in the chaos.  What manner of threads do we find ourselves weaving from moment to moment?  Are we stitching the fabric with delicacy or are we careless with the needle, pricking ourselves?  Why must we bleed upon such beautiful tapestry?  We are what we weave delicate as it may be.

These pages may go idle and without end if sacrificed to the obscurity of the world.  Words are a meaningful way to understand our lives and if they go unwritten we may lose our way and possibly our hope.  As beautiful as a butterfly may be do not let your thoughts flutter away and escape the nectar for which your tongue so desires.  Share with the world so that we may all be healed and learn from one another.  Let us gain the most precious gift of light together.

The Blueprint of Life

We are the architects of our own selves.  We can only design that which we decide to draw upon this blueprint of life.  There are no shortcuts with foundation and structure, only the beautiful form that will follow the function.  Dream and landscape that which surrounds you.  Be aware that nature is essential in the eternal design and shouldn’t be taken for granted.  Live and love that which we create as it will also be echoed in eternity.  Defy the conventional thinking that the world has placed upon you and follow the design of your heart and spirit.

What Have I Become?

My dearest love, what have I become?  I’m not the man that I could be but somewhere out there I will find what I’m looking for.  I’ve got no destination but the treacherous path that lay before me.  I am sick with envy for those who do not stray from the road of happiness.  Bearing the weight of the past and the struggle with the present I am swimming in the darkness of despair.  These feelings I have make the future seem like a dead end street without a streetlight.  I keep asking for forgiveness when I have only forsaken myself.

Truly Historic Day

Today was truly a historic day and I am proud to be an American.  Although I did not vote for Barack Obama I will support and pray for him to make the right decisions for us as citizens of this great nation.  It is amazing how far we have come as a country and the values that we represent.  America is an idea that will survive and never die.  May God be with us as we move forward into an unknown future.

It’s Time

It’s time to relinquish all of those desires and passions.  It’s time to reclaim purity and virtue and move forward beyond the past.  It’s time to turn thoughts toward the future and believe in that which is most precious.  It is time for battle and victory over the most powerful enemy.  I am ready and I will conquer.  The time is today!

The Quest

I hunger for that which I know not how to satisfy completely.  The desire in my heart for knowledge is greater than the time and capacity to obtain it.  I’m growing restless to learn more and more at such a fast rate of speed that it is overwhelming me.  If only it were as easy as plugging in and learning fast like in the movie The Matrix.  This overwhelming desire to gain knowledge is consuming me beyond my ability to control it.  Books have once again become an addiction in my life, along with movies and music.  I want to absorb anything and everything. 

Books have weaved themselves into every waking moment and thought and at times I feel like I’m going to go mad if I’m not buried in the pages of a book.  It has become a sickness of mine.  I’m not saying that this is bad thing but I am beginning to evaluate my life and am realizing how much I really have missed out on over the past decade of being an independent, rebellious individual.  What on earth was I thinking?  Yes, I should have attended some type of higher education.  Thinking about this many times I wouldn’t even mind being a student for the rest of my living days.  It’s never too late to start something. 

When I was younger I was always bright with Math and Science but was always fascinated by books and with the words and stories contained in them.  I would even read during class and shut out all that was around me.  It still amazes me that I even learned anything at all.  I left books for a while to pursue other interests like traveling and the outdoors and am recently rediscovering my passion for reading and learning.  Now, if only I can find a balance between everything that goes on during adulthood so that I can enjoy anything and everything that I pursue.

Precious Pavement

Having traveled a far and adventurous road I pray it is nowhere near its end.  There is much knowledge I have yet to attain through this physical and mental journey.  Many landscapes have I yet to travel and many pages have I yet to wander.  My heart has yet to find perfect balance so that I may press forward with steadfastness and cherished happiness.  I find myself somewhat unplugged and the flowing current is weak.  Ambition just needs another jumpstart.  A scenic imagination lays dormant within a clouded and troubled mind and the true spirit is detached from the real desire.  The horizon is there I just can’t see it clearly through the smog.