Starting Out the Climb

“It’s not a hill; it’s a mountain, as you start out the climb.” Those are the words from a U2 song that have been ringing through my mind for the past few weeks since being married. Things have not been easy and difficult choices have been placed before me, ones I was not ready to consider this early on in my marriage. I am scared and my sense of direction seems to be obscured by my heart and consciousness fighting with each other. Peace seems like a far off fabricated dream.

Dad was diagnosed with colon cancer on Tuesday July, 28 2009 and things haven’t been the same since that day. He was taken in for emergency surgery to remove a tumor that had reached the size of about a baseball. Part of his colon and his appendix were also removed. Our prayers were with him and we have been very grateful that the test results came back that the rest of his lymph nodes were benign. That was great news but he was still in lots of pain and his whole body was still suffering from swelling.

At first we were afraid it had something to do with his kidneys. Then, on Sunday August 9 the doctors had to take him back in, open him up, and fix a hole that had formed in his colon. All the food and liquid he was taking in was leaking out and causing bloating pain throughout his abdomen. Now that he’s in ICU for a few days we hope that he will recover quickly and be able to return home. This whole ordeal has been hell on Mom and I don’t think I have ever witnessed my mother in such distress. It breaks my heart to see both parents going through this and being an only child, I feel helpless. I don’t know what to do. I’m definitely not ready to lose either one of my parents.

Sara and I are having our own battles on top of this situation. Our finances, future career and family plans are bearing down heavily upon us. Both of us are scared of the future despite our daily faith, hope, and prayers. I know for a fact that I can’t stay where I’m at in this career as it’s not family friendly. But on the other hand, this career is all I know and the one thing that can keep us above water financially until we get our debt paid off. Now I know why saving money and staying out of debt is so important to the stability of life. It definitely would help if we didn’t have this stress weighing us down.

I have been thinking about going to college after all of these years of wasting my time not going anywhere or at least get an apprenticeship in a trade such as plumbing or electrical. I’ve been thinking about possibly studying to become a teacher in math, science, or history. I love history but I excelled at math and science in high school and those professions are in higher demand these days. Sara and I have a tough climb ahead of us but as long as we stick together and keep the Lord in our lives and pray each day we will remain hopeful and optimistic. We just need the strength to push forward.